So I missed posting yesterday, but that is ok. I still practiced self-love even though I did not actually post a blog entry (that is still progress). I am not aiming to be perfect. I am just aiming to be better.
I took the above picture after work last Friday. I was feeling a bit blue and decided to take the time to walk along the Charles instead of hopping right on the subway to head home. The day started out rainy and miserable but ended with sunshine. If I had just gone home, I would have missed the opportunity to snap that picture and to reflect on my life. I love walking along the Charles. As I was strolling along, I thought of myself five years ago when I first moved to Boston. I had eyes full of love for this new place I was calling home. As the years went on, I still love this city but life has settled in and has clouded my perspective: the honeymoon phase is over. I really enjoyed taking the time to stop and reflect on how it felt to first move here: the wonder, the excitement, the endless possibilities, the freshness and the nervousness. Moving here felt like going on a blind date with someone you hope will become so much more to you than a casual acquaintance. Over the past few years, I have let the stress of life diminish that initial joy, but all is not lost. Walking on the Charles reminds me of that joy and helps me shift my focus.
I think about that process quite a bit: how we can go from excitement to boredom and disenchantment with things, places, people we once cherished. I think about that with this self-love journey. I started out strong and full of positive energy, but life happens. I think where we really grow and change is when we can push through the negativity, boredom, and doubt to emerge on the other side with a renewed sense of love and a more mature appreciation.
The last few days have been rough. Though things have vastly improved with my partner (we just needed time for some heart-to-heart communication) I have found myself in physical pain as I now have a pinched nerve in my shoulder/back/somewhere that is causing constant pain in my neck, shoulder, and arm. I cannot help but feel so frustrated! I have been working hard to love myself, and I have been working hard to do my triathlon training and improve my health, and then one night of sleeping on a pillow wrong and WHAM! Persistent pain. But here is where I get to practice kindness, patience, and perseverance. I acknowledge my pain. I trust that my body will heal, which is pretty amazing. This pain will not last forever, and with modern medicine, I have ways to ease the burden for now (e.g. ibuprofen and a Lacrosse ball, which by the way is AMAZING for performing massage on places you cannot reach – just place the ball between your back and a wall and let the magic happen). This pain is really a blessing and a reminder to love myself and to be more grateful for my health. I do not spend enough time and thoughts in a place of gratitude, which is why I think it is easy to lose focus on the reasons why we love the things, people and places in our life, so to work on that fact, I am going to end this post with a little gratitude.
I am so grateful for my health and my body’s ability to heal. I am grateful that this pain is temporary (I have experienced this before and the issue has resolved). I am grateful for this journey and the chance to live in Boston. I am grateful for my friends and family. I am grateful to be the person I was created to be. I am grateful that I have a purpose and a reason for being on this planet, even if I am still discovering what that purpose is. I am grateful to be alive! I am grateful that the sun is shining. I am so thankful for hope and joy and love. I am thankful to be emotionally healthy and to be growing in confidence and love more every day. I am grateful for you, dear Reader, for walking with me on this journey and for finding some value in what I write.
#IAMENOUGH #lovethyself #30dayLoveChallenge