Yesterday I was riding high. I was rocking a new LuLaRoe outfit at work and feeling the flow of my life as a confident woman. Then I got on the T after work and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the train window. Have you ever had a moment when something is reflected back at you (could be your actual image or something you did or said), which makes you see yourself as others actually see you? At 5’4″ and 193 pounds, I know I am a “big girl.” But most of the time, I do not feel big. And before I caught a glimpse of my reflection, I felt awesome.
Case in point: I went to Target last week to get some bright colored shirts to go with my new fun, fabulous and loud LuLaRoe tights. In the dressing room, I was trying on a shirt that did not make me happy and caught my reflection in the side mirror. To my horror, I almost did not recognize the image reflected back at me. Is that me?!?!!
I had a moment of panic followed by depression: “That’s it! I’m never going to eat again!” I wanted to declare. Then I wanted to run to the nearest ice cream parlor and give up. But then I stopped myself. Deep breathing helped. Ok, so that shirt was not a winner, but there are other shirts that look great.
Secondly, how much confidence or bravery does it take to live boldly when you are skinny and in amazing shape?! Standing up and declaring my worth and value is way more meaningful when I’m overweight and struggling, because a number on a scale, and extra fat on my frame, does not determine my ability, talents, purpose or value. Now having said that, I do believe that living out loud and authentically is courageous even when you are skinny. I just sometimes mistakenly think it will be easier to be me when I am thinner.
Anyway, right now I am at the salon getting my hair done, which always makes me feel good. I am going to stay positive and keep loving myself. Live boldly, friends!
#IAMENOUGH #lovethyself #30dayLoveChallenge