One of the aspects of Solution-Focused Brief therapy that I have been thinking about a ton lately is the idea that a problem is no longer a problem if the client and the client’s community no longer view the problem as a problem. I have been particularly thinking about this idea in terms of my weight loss goal. Right now, I view my size and weight as a problem. I do not like how I look or how I feel in my clothes. I do not like how hard it is to run, and overall, I want a change. But if I am healthy, is my size really a problem?
I am 5 feet 4 inches tall. For most of my adult life, during times of better fitness, I have never weighed less than 159 pounds. I would say that the 160s were always a good maintenance weight for me until recently when I have crept up to 180 pounds. So, what if I never achieve the 140 pound goal? Why is that my goal?
I know that I am ingrained with images and visions of skinny people. The media always shows me what the ideal figure is and I have definitely received messages from family that I should be smaller. But do I want to be smaller? Sometimes I do. I would LOVE to look in the mirror and feel great and wear smaller sized clothes and wear shorts or skirts or dresses without fear of inner thigh chaffing. But I should be able to look in the mirror at ANY size and see my value, worth, and beauty. And I like food. I really do. So, if I’m still active, medically healthy, and a little plump, is that really a problem?
But then there is the other side of the coin. I do not know if I have ever believed in myself enough to follow through on a goal, like losing weight. I have quit too many things to count. I have quit and re-joined Weight Watchers countless times. I have quit blogs that I started, I have quit exercise programs, fitness challenges, training programs, over and over again before I reach my limits or my maximum potential. Which is why lately I am trying to follow through on things even when I fail and am not perfect. Case in point: on Weight Watchers, I signed up for a challenge of 30 minutes of exercise for 30 days straight. I hit day 20 and ran into some obstacles. Instead of quitting, five days later, I started back up from day 21 and finished the 30 days. It wasn’t perfect, but I did not quit.
I think for me, part of this journey is allowing myself the freedom to fail. But with that freedom comes discovering and fostering my strength to pick myself up and keep on moving forward.
I recently discovered Betty Rocker. There is something about her and her videos and food preparation that is so inspiring to me. Why do I think I am any different? Why can’t I choose healthy foods and daily fitness to get my body to my peak level of fitness? Because if I am honest with myself, I do not value the number on the scale as much as I value the look of muscles on my arms and legs. What do I really want from being smaller? I want to be like Betty Rocker, full of defined muscles and raw strength. I want to scale walls, run triathlons, and do a pull up for once in my life. And I want to be faster!
So, I am re-framing my goals. I am focusing more on exercise and how I feel physically. Food is absolutely a part of this process, but the step I am focusing on right now is increasing my activity and working on getting faster. I signed up for an Olympic distance triathlon in August. My goal is to finish under 3 hours. For me, that will take an immense amount of work and follow through, and eventually it will take making better food choices. And if I get under a 3 hour triathlon and still weight 180 pounds, then WHO CARES?! Not this girl right now. Right now, I want to build muscle, make better choices and work on loving myself a little more.